Songs In Blue

Ahh, the much needed update post.  One day I’ll make myself get into a routine of posting, although I wasn’t doing too bad until 3 weeks ago.  Don’t have much of an excuse except that there’s been a lot on my mind that I couldn’t really put into words.  But let’s recap, shall we?

My mom offered to pay for Matt and I to fly up to Canada then take us to Mexico for her birthday NEXT WEEK.  She had good intentions (obviously, it’s her 50th and she wants me there for it) but I just ended up really stressed out about the whole thing.  It was a lot of information to take in over the course of 3 days! 
 I ultimately said no because, a) we’ve had a trip to the South Island (leaving on my mom’s birthday) planned for 6 months and we’d have to cancel everything, and b) it was too last minute and the flight prices were INSANE.  There’s no way I could let my mom (who’s on a solo income as a school bus driver) spend that kind of money.  I would just feel so guilty about it. 
Trust me, it was a really hard decision to make!   It’s my family and I don’t see them often (or at all, with the whole ‘living on the other side of the world’ thing) and I want to make them happy.  I hate disappointing people.  But yeah, after lost sleep and tears (Matt got to witness the Ugly Cry a few times, awesome.) I’m ok with everything.  A trip to Canada might still be in my near future but I’ll talk about that as soon as I get some more info.

Three weeks ago, I went to my first Tweetup. Which I guess, officially makes me a nerd  but  I’m ok with that.  It was quite fun and great to meet new people which was something I felt I needed to do. 
Anyway, a few of the girls there decided we should have a Ladies Night.  So  Wednesday  night about 10 of us met at a bar for a few drinks then headed to a comedy gig!  A lot of conversation, laughter, and maybe a little too much wine was had by all – it was exactly what I needed (minus the hangover/going to work  in the  morning (Hi Mom and Dad!)).
One of the highlights for me was FINALLY meeting Alex who’s blog I’ve been reading for about 2 years now.  She’s originally from the UK (and has a lovely accent) but moved here almost a year ago with her Kiwi boyfriend.  ALL the girls are absolutely amazing and I can’t wait until we get together again!  Next time, I’ll bring my camera.

As I said earlier, Matt and I are going to the South Island for 2 weeks!  We’ve got a pretty awesome trip planned – full of walks, kayaking, and lying on the beach (if the weather gets better)!  One of the places we’re staying has free internet so I’ll make sure to post a few pictures.  I thought I’d see if anyone was interested in Guest Posting while I’m away? I have 6 dates up for grabs so leave a comment or email me if you’re interested!

A couple months ago, I wrote about how money is the root of all evil.  I still feel the same way, but the stress of it all has kinda eased off.  Last week I made my last debt payment!  Granted, I got a loan from the Bank of Matt to cover what I didn’t have but that will be paid back soon enough too.  At the very least, I no longer have to worry about losing money on the exchange rate!  Now, to get ahead…
 
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I’ve lost 10 lbs now.  Well, I lost 10 lbs 4 weeks ago and haven’t been able to lose any more since!  The last couple weeks have been a bit of a food fest with my birthday presents and dinners (the last of which was Saturday).  I just can’t say no to the cake but I’m ok with that.  However, I’m not ok with another week of no change so I’ll be working my ass off to make sure that doesn’t happen.  Gotta love my competitive nature even if it is just with myself…
I should mention that Matt’s done real well since we started this whole working out/eating healthy thing.  He’s lost 10kgs (22 pounds) and is looking mighty fine!
 
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Matt and I decided we wanted to go away for the long weekend coming up then planned and booked everything, all in one night!  We are machines.  So we’ll take a half day next Friday and drive up to Taupo for the weekend!  We’re thinking about walking up to Huka Falls and taking some sweet photos with my tripod then spending the next day getting massages (never had a proper one) and hanging out in the hot springs.  I’m so! freakin! excited!

Apparently, I’ve been doing that a lot lately.

I could blame it on that time of the month or ‘eww’ as Matt likes to call it, but the fact is, it’s more than that.

I feel stifled.

I feel like I have to edit every aspect of my life so people only get the side of me they want. I’m a peacemaker. I hate confrontation and always want to make people happy. I put everyone’s needs in front of my own and while some may consider that a good thing, it may also be my downfall.

This is the main reason my posting has been boring and/or non-existent. I used to use my blog as an outlet. I could write about whatever I wanted, however I wanted.
Writing, for me, is therapeutic. It keeps me sane and reminds me to open up about how I feel.
But a while ago, I started getting negative comments about it. Then I started to get negative comments about my life in general. And finally, I felt like every time I want to vent or say how I feel, no one wanted to hear it.

So I did the only thing I knew would avoid these situations, and shut up. I’ve been holding everything in and this week I reached the end of my rope. I took a day off yesterday, just to avoid having a nervous breakdown at work.

I know this is all a bit heavy and trust me; it’s really hard to write. The truth is, I love my life and every aspect of it.

I would not change a thing.

But I want to be real. I’m frustrated with myself for letting things get to this point.
This isn’t me. My friends and family rely on my honesty and transparency and apparently, so do I. I don’t want to hide things about myself because I’m afraid of being judged.
I’ve started to see it affect my relationships and that scares me. I don’t want to lose Matt and other people I care about because I couldn’t get my shit together.

At the risk of sounding self centred, I like me…I think I’m a pretty cool person. I want to share what’s going on in my life because it’s pretty awesome!

So be patient with me as I attempt the surprisingly difficult task of getting my blogging mojo back.

Let’s catch up, eh?

Matt and I booked a trip to Sydney for May 28th – June 3!!!  Neither of us have been before, so we’re pretty excited!
Our flights, 6 nights hotel and a harbour cruise cost about $1000 each…not bad at all.  We’re going to book a Blue Mountains tour, but if you’ve been and there’s something we have to do, let me know!
The Harbour Bridge Climb is also being considered.

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I’ve been working without a contract for over a week now.  Apparently, it’s been approved but went to New York to be finalized.  My company likes to process simple tasks overseas and while that may save resources it’s a big pain, not to mention a big FAIL when it comes to efficiency.
I’m really frustrated by it all especially since I’ve been asking for an extension since January.

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I’ve never fallen off the Canucks bandwagon.  However, being in a different country (one who calls hockey, ‘ice hockey’ (so wrong)) has made paying attention to the regular season VERY DIFFICULT.   That being said, there’s no way I’d miss the playoffs.  I’ve been listening to the games online, then watching the highlights once they’re up on the Canucks website. 
Not quite the same, but it’ll have to do.
I’m pretty impressed with the run so far, but (and don’t hate me) I’m trying not to let my hopes get too high.  It’s hard though, since they’re playing really well!

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Fall/Winter is definitely here.  It’s still nice and sunny for the most part, but it is chilly.  Nothing compared to Canada, but I’d much rather it be warm all year round!

What’s new with you?